Friday, December 09, 2011

A Year's Worth of Facebook Updates: Barack Obama and the Democrats Edition

I view teaching at a community college as performing in the borscht belt of academia and have long considered my job to be “standup historian.” I post most of my jokes on Facebook. I like doing comedy online because it’s harder for the audience to throw things at you. Since it’s the end of the year, I’m going to be posing a year’s worth of my Facebook updates by theme. Today l look back on what I said about President Barack Obama, a man willing to fight fiercely right up to the opening kickoff, and his fellow Democrats.

In other news, President Obama tried to prove his toughness today by refusing to surrender to his conscience.

Another Obama cave-in, this time on Elizabeth Warren. If he were a mine, even the state of West Virginia would shut him down as a safety hazard.

News reports indicate that Obama is searching for surviving Germans and Japanese from World War II he can surrender to.

The least surprising moment during the president’s speech last night? The Republicans booing when Obama mentioned math. We saw them handle the budget for eight years. We knew they hated math. And science. And, looking at Newt Gingrich, gym.

My theory is that Obama killed Bin Ladin in Kenya because the Al Queda leader had found the real birth certificate carefully hidden in Donald Trump's hairpiece.

Bachman thinks that Lexington and Concord are in New Hampshire. No wonder the moron thinks Obama was born in Kenya.

I googled the words "Nixon," "evil" and "troll" and got 2,640,000 hits though, strangely enough, the first one was an attack on Obama. The internet once again proves itself a useful portal to knowledge.

There was a 5.8 quake hitting Virginia, D.C. and all the way up to NYC. The GOP has denied plate tectonics and is blaming the quake on Obama.

Imagine the Democrats' campaign slogan for 2012: "We're not as excited about slashing Social Security as the other guys."

In this budget impasse we again see Barack Obama, master poker player. "What cards do you have Barry?" "A royal flush. Should I fold?"

Headline of the Future: Obama, Congressional Democrats Apologize for Existing, GOP Rejects Overture

You know, when Hank Williams, Jr., stupidly compared Obama to Hitler I thought of comparing Hank to his father, but I realized that would just be cruel.

President Obama has performed a great service for the country in tracking down and killing Bin Ladin. Now we don't have to watch any more coverage of the royal wedding.
So let's see. Some conservatives are saying that the recession that started when Bush was president is not Bush's fault and the death of Bin Ladin, which happened when Obama was in the White House, is Bush's achievement. This confusing time travel reminds me of an episode of "Dr. Who.”

Was it destiny that New York Congressman Anthony Weiner would be involved in a scandal involving a photograph of his genitalia? Discuss.

Who knew a career in politics prepared someone for being an underwear model?

I remember the good old days of George Washington when politicians had to send oil paintings of their crotch.



Michael Phillips has authored the following:


White Metropolis: Race, Ethnicity and Religion in Dallas, Texas, 1841-2001 (Austin:  University of Texas Press, 2006)

(with Patrick L. Cox) The House Will Come to Order: How the Texas Speaker Became a Power in State and National Politics. (Austin: University of Texas Press, 2010)

“Why Is Big Tex Still a White Cowboy? Race, Gender, and the ‘Other Texans’” in Walter Buenger and Arnoldo de León, eds., Beyond Texas Through Time: Breaking Away From Past Interpretations (College Station: Texas A&M Press, 2011)

“The Current is Stronger’: Images of Racial Oppression and Resistance in North Texas Black Art During the 1920s and 1930s ”  in Bruce A. Glasrud and Cary D. Wintz, eds., The Harlem Renaissance in the West: The New Negroes’ Western Experience (New York: Routledge, Taylor and Francis Group, 2011)

“Dallas, 1989-2011,” in Richardson Dilworth, ed. Cities in American Political History (Washington, D.C.: CQ Press, 2011)

(With John Anthony Moretta, Keith J. Volonto, Austin Allen, Doug Cantrell and Norwood Andrews), Keith J. Volonto and Michael Phillips. eds., The American Challenge: A New History of the United States, Volume I.   (Wheaton, Il.: Abigail Press, 2012).

(With John Anthony Moretta and Keith J. Volanto), Keith J. Volonto and Michael Phillips, eds., The American Challenge: A New History of the United States, Volume II. (Wheaton, Il.: Abigail Press, 2012).

(With John Anthony Moretta and Carl J. Luna), Imperial Presidents: The Rise of Executive Power from Roosevelt to Obama  (Wheaton, Il.: Abigail Press, 2013). 

“Texan by Color: The Racialization of the Lone Star State,” in David Cullen and Kyle Wilkison, eds., The Radical Origins of the Texas Right (College Station: University of Texas Press, 2013).

He is currently collaborating, with longtime journalist Betsy Friauf, on a history of African American culture, politics and black intellectuals in the Lone Star State called God Carved in Night: Black Intellectuals in Texas and the World They Made.

No comments: