Sunday, December 11, 2011

A Year's Worth of Facebook Updates: Donald Trump, Sarah Palin and Michele Bachman Edition

I view teaching at a community college as performing in the borscht belt of academia and have long considered my job to be “standup historian.” I post most of my jokes on Facebook. I like doing comedy online because it’s harder for the audience to throw things at you. Since it’s the end of the year, I’m going to be posing a year’s worth of my Facebook updates by theme. Today l look back on what I said about the Republican version of "The Three Stooges."

I am waiting for a modern Republican to say, "You know, that person is too dumb and ill-informed to serve in public office." I am also waiting for the sun to rise in the West.

If Donald Trump made an announcement in a forest that he was not running for president, how many reporters would show up to hear the sound?

Trump's not running apparently because he wants to spend more time with his future ex-wife

Donald Trump - a combative, paranoid rich guy with a funny accent who thinks he can buy the White House. No wait a minute. That's an old status update about Ross Perot.

Sarah Palin did not participate in the debate tonight because she has decided to run for God.

Tomorrow, Sarah Palin will explain why the War of 1812 was the most important event of the 20th Century,

By the way, today Palin will be giving a webinar on when Kennedy was shot driving a Ford on his way to Lincoln Center.

Today, Sarah Palin will be visiting Pearl Harbor because she was always a fan of Minnie Pearl. She will also honor Paul Revere, the inventor of Revere Ware. In tonight's GOP presidential debate, Michele Bachman pointed out that Jesus called for cutting the capital gains tax and ridiculed the concept of global warming more than 200 times in the Gospel According to Luke alone. She noted that Jesus also told his apostles in the Garden of Gethsemane that "Atlas Shrugged" was his favorite book.

Sarah Palin has all the foreign policy smarts of a bar bouncer.

Michele Bachman is the gift that keeps giving. She wished Elvis a happy birthday on the anniversary of his death. She also congratulated the British for winning the Spanish-American War.

Michele Bachman is the Lenscrafters of insane ramblings.

If Michele Bachman and Sarah Palin played "Trivial Pursuit," the game would never end.

Today, Michele Bachman praised Abraham Lincoln for inventiing the Lincoln Continental.

Michael Phillips has authored the following:

White Metropolis: Race, Ethnicity and Religion in Dallas, Texas, 1841-2001 (Austin:  University of Texas Press, 2006)

(with Patrick L. Cox) The House Will Come to Order: How the Texas Speaker Became a Power in State and National Politics. (Austin: University of Texas Press, 2010)

“Why Is Big Tex Still a White Cowboy? Race, Gender, and the ‘Other Texans’” in Walter Buenger and Arnoldo de León, eds., Beyond Texas Through Time: Breaking Away From Past Interpretations (College Station: Texas A&M Press, 2011)

“The Current is Stronger’: Images of Racial Oppression and Resistance in North Texas Black Art During the 1920s and 1930s ”  in Bruce A. Glasrud and Cary D. Wintz, eds., The Harlem Renaissance in the West: The New Negroes’ Western Experience (New York: Routledge, Taylor and Francis Group, 2011)

“Dallas, 1989-2011,” in Richardson Dilworth, ed. Cities in American Political History (Washington, D.C.: CQ Press, 2011)

(With John Anthony Moretta, Keith J. Volonto, Austin Allen, Doug Cantrell and Norwood Andrews), Keith J. Volonto and Michael Phillips. eds., The American Challenge: A New History of the United States, Volume I.   (Wheaton, Il.: Abigail Press, 2012).

(With John Anthony Moretta and Keith J. Volanto), Keith J. Volonto and Michael Phillips, eds., The American Challenge: A New History of the United States, Volume II. (Wheaton, Il.: Abigail Press, 2012).

(With John Anthony Moretta and Carl J. Luna), Imperial Presidents: The Rise of Executive Power from Roosevelt to Obama  (Wheaton, Il.: Abigail Press, 2013). 

“Texan by Color: The Racialization of the Lone Star State,” in David Cullen and Kyle Wilkison, eds., The Radical Origins of the Texas Right (College Station: University of Texas Press, 2013).

He is currently collaborating, with longtime journalist Betsy Friauf, on a history of African American culture, politics and black intellectuals in the Lone Star State called God Carved in Night: Black Intellectuals in Texas and the World They Made.

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