Tuesday, December 13, 2011

A Year's Worth of Facebook Updates: International Diplomacy Edition

I view teaching at a community college as performing in the borscht belt of academia and have long considered my job to be “standup historian.” I post most of my jokes on Facebook. I like doing comedy online because it’s harder for the audience to throw things at you. Since it’s the end of the year, I’m going to be posing a year’s worth of my Facebook updates by theme. Today l look back on what I said about a dizzying 12 months in world affairs.

Maybe NPR has covered this, but when The Sudan breaks into two countries later this year, which part is going to be "Sudan" and which part is going to be the "The?"

How confusing it will be if the China Syndrome happens in Japan.

A day of turmoil, violence and political oppression in the Middle East. Or as some people call it, Saturday.

This has worked with criminals before. Why don't we send Gaddafi a letter that he has an unclaimed prize from the lottery and tell him to pick up his cash at The Hague? When he gets there, we can nab him.

So apparently Gadaffi will not appear on the next season of "Dancing with the Ex-Dictators."

Scanning the internet to see what crazy outfit Gaddafi wore to the Oscars last night. I hear he uses the same designer as Bjork.

Breaking News - Gaddafi's going to announce that he's joining the new cast of "Two And A Half Men."

Environmentalists are worried about the effects if New York City floods and the Atlantic fills with water from the hot dog vendor stands.

Gadahfi now controls about 10 percent of Tripoli, a space the size of Mitt Romney's new mansion in California.

There is a lot of concern in the streets of Tripoli tonight over whether they can smoothly handle the transition from Charlie Sheen to Ashton Kutcher on "Two And A Half Men."

It looks like Muamar Ghadafi has fallen. An international commission will now determine a single way to spell his name.

What's really sad is that Bin Ladin had just signed on for the next season of "Celebrity Apprentice."

In the Bin Ladin home movies we see the terrorist leader enjoying security camera footage of himself parking in handicapped spaces. The video also shows him double-dipping in the salsa.

I'm glad they are not releasing the photos of Bin Ladin. In any case, you can see his postmortem picture on the cover of the “Sgt. Pepper” album.

Media are reporting that Mubarak will announce that he will not run for re-election later this year. That's sort of like Hitler announcing in 1945 that he would be canceling a trip to Moscow.

I propose a new season of "The Real World" on MTV with the United States and Pakistan as wacky roommates.

Michael Phillips has authored the following:

White Metropolis: Race, Ethnicity and Religion in Dallas, Texas, 1841-2001 (Austin:  University of Texas Press, 2006)

(with Patrick L. Cox) The House Will Come to Order: How the Texas Speaker Became a Power in State and National Politics. (Austin: University of Texas Press, 2010)

“Why Is Big Tex Still a White Cowboy? Race, Gender, and the ‘Other Texans’” in Walter Buenger and Arnoldo de León, eds., Beyond Texas Through Time: Breaking Away From Past Interpretations (College Station: Texas A&M Press, 2011)

“The Current is Stronger’: Images of Racial Oppression and Resistance in North Texas Black Art During the 1920s and 1930s ”  in Bruce A. Glasrud and Cary D. Wintz, eds., The Harlem Renaissance in the West: The New Negroes’ Western Experience (New York: Routledge, Taylor and Francis Group, 2011)

“Dallas, 1989-2011,” in Richardson Dilworth, ed. Cities in American Political History (Washington, D.C.: CQ Press, 2011)

(With John Anthony Moretta, Keith J. Volonto, Austin Allen, Doug Cantrell and Norwood Andrews), Keith J. Volonto and Michael Phillips. eds., The American Challenge: A New History of the United States, Volume I.   (Wheaton, Il.: Abigail Press, 2012).

(With John Anthony Moretta and Keith J. Volanto), Keith J. Volonto and Michael Phillips, eds., The American Challenge: A New History of the United States, Volume II. (Wheaton, Il.: Abigail Press, 2012).

(With John Anthony Moretta and Carl J. Luna), Imperial Presidents: The Rise of Executive Power from Roosevelt to Obama  (Wheaton, Il.: Abigail Press, 2013). 

“Texan by Color: The Racialization of the Lone Star State,” in David Cullen and Kyle Wilkison, eds., The Radical Origins of the Texas Right (College Station: University of Texas Press, 2013).

He is currently collaborating, with longtime journalist Betsy Friauf, on a history of African American culture, politics and black intellectuals in the Lone Star State called God Carved in Night: Black Intellectuals in Texas and the World They Made.

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